Ps 126
Mk 10:46-52
"Master I want to see."
What did Bartimaeus' voice sound like? Was it high or low, loud or soft? Was his tone angry, demanding, desperate or pleading? What did his face look like? Was he standing, kneeling, or bowed down before Jesus?
Enter the narrative as if you were in a movie. Place yourself in the scene. Recreate it in your mind. Compose a scene in your imagination placing yourself in the action and feeling the wind, or heat, or rain on your skin, is one of the fundamental practices of Ignatian contemplation as described in the Spiritual Exercises. Remain there as long as you wish or for as long as you can tolerate. What do you feel, what are you thinking, what is going on inside of you as you meditate on this?
We are all Bartimaeus at times. We are all periodically blind to God's presence in our lives. That blindness may afflict us suddenly as we stand at the bedside of a dying spouse or parent. It may hit as we gaze uncomprehendingly at a flooded home. Bartimaeus' plea, "I want to see" may escape our lips in different words: It may be articulated as the angry WHY of the suddenly bereaved, the desperate Where are you' as the cancer pain becomes worse. We ask: Where is your mercy? Where is your power? Where is your love? Where . . . . are. . . . You?
We are all Bartimaeus. At some point in our lives we are all that man sitting at the roadside blind, disoriented, confused and desperate to see. Difficulty seeing is one of the challenges of aging. Cataracts. Macular degeneration. Diabetic retinopathy. Glaucoma. All of them impair the ability to see. But even in uncomplicated aging, the normal changes in the eye result in diminished vision.
By age sixty only one-third the amount of light hits the retina compared with age twenty-one. That is why gray-haired old dudes . . . and I count myself among them . . . always have the high beams on. We can't see with low beams.
Seeing is more than the primary sense of vision that allows images to hit our retinas so we can navigate the world. There are other ways of seeing. It is not unusual to hear a student say, "I see" when a complicated concept has been made clear. "I see what you mean" has nothing to do with vision but with understanding and 'seeing' through the eyes of our mind and soul. "I see where this is going" may indicate that one understands the nature of an argument, the path of a relationship, or one of many abstractions that we can suddenly 'see.' Even when we are not blind to Jesus, we can always find ways to see Him better. Perhaps it is a matter of cleaning our glasses. It may be necessary to get a stronger prescription. Or we may experience the joy of the startling improvement in vision after cataract extraction and lens implant. With prayer, frequent participation in the sacraments, and contemplation on God's word, we can always see better, we can always improve our vision. Whenever you hear the gospel narratives of Jesus' healing miracles, it is important to remember that those miracles did not create faith in a vacuum.
The healing miracles were not meant to awe, amaze, confuse, or impress an audience. With one or two exceptions faith in Jesus' willingness to make him whole, faith in Jesus' desire to return her to society, faith in Jesus' ability to make them clean prompted the petitions to Jesus. We heard Bartimaeus say: "I want to see." Jesus said nothing about vision to Bartimaeus. He said, "Go . . your faith has made you well." That's all. A simple command and reassurance. "Go, your faith has made you well."
We heard in the psalm: "they left in tears I will comfort them as I lead them back I will guide them." Sometimes we need Jesus to find us when we are lost, when we are blind to God's love, when we are confused or angry or hurting.
All of us go out in life full of tears, carrying seed for the sowing. All of us go out in life to engage in backbreaking, exhausting and painful work. That is the reality of life. It is the burden we bear as humans. But as we come back rejoicing and bringing in the sheaves, the results of our labor, we realize what God has done for us, and we know what God will do for us.
"Master, I want to see."
That would be a fine prayer today and all of the coming week.
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The Ljubljana Marathon was run last week. It was run a few days after I arrive in LJ in October of 2016. It was one of the great days of my time there, spent in the company of a Lithuanian medical student who thought to go to the top of Nebotičnik, the skyscraper. We also had a drink up there. Much better mobility allowed than in Boston, especially after the "tousle-haired terrorist" attacked the finish line in Boston. May he rot in prison..
Fr. Jack, SJ, MD
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