Fr Jack SJ MD: Pride and Fake Humility: Homily for 22nd Sunday of Ordinary Time

Sir 3:17-18, 20, 28-29

Lk 14:1,7-11

“Every one who exalts himself will be humbled, and every one who humbles himself will be exalted.'”

Jesus’ teaching on humility in the context of a banquet is unique to Luke’s Gospel. But as we heard in the first reading it is not unique in scripture. “Humble yourself more the greater you are, and you will find favor with God.”

The book of Sirach was written about 180 years before Jesus’ birth. Humility is its particular hallmark. In chapter one verse 27 of Sirach we read “For the fear of the Lord is wisdom and discipline; faithfulness and humility are his delight,” Verse 17 of chapter 7 advises “More and more, humble your pride; what awaits mortals is worms.” The challenge presented by Sirach is knowing what humility is and what it isn’t.

Saint Benedict defined twelve steps of humility in his Rule. The first sentence of Chapter Seven of that Rule introduces those steps by quoting today’s gospel admonition against exalting oneself. All in all, the word ‘humility’ appears over thirty times in the Rule of Benedict. As is true of Sirach, the challenge is to discern what true humility is and how to live it.

Humility is an interesting and frequently misunderstood virtue. It is something we can fake easily enough while preening interiorly. Today one might call that kind of humility virtue signaling or humble-bragging. It is easy to fake humility, it is difficult to live it, particularly in this day of relentless self-promotion and ubiquitous “selfies," this last being one of the ugliest words in English, both in its sound and in what it implies. The image of the banquet is an excellent illustration of the danger of excessively high self-regard, a danger that is at epidemic levels today.

Arrogating a place of honor without being asked is a blatant example of excessive self-regard, and a potential cause for extreme humiliation, “I’m sorry, this seat is reserved for someone who is important. Please go stand behind the rope.” However, true humility is not persistent and public self-criticism, breast beating, and public self-abasement. Humility refers to a proper sense of self-regard. It demands honestly admitting one's mistakes to oneself and trying to correct them. It means accepting one’s limitations such as they are. It also means accepting ones abilities and, when one has done well, realizing it with a graceful attitude. Most significantly for our times today true humility does not mean deflecting or denying compliments or praise. Quite the contrary. Humility means accepting compliments and praise with gratitude and leaving it at that.

Compliments are an interesting phenomenon. We learn a lot about ourselves and others by observing how we, or they, respond to them. A compliment is an expression of regard from the speaker to the recipient. A compliment is a verbal gift from one person to another. It is a form of affection.

"That dress looks very good on you."

"You mean this old rag? You need to see your eye doctor."

"That is a beautiful photograph."

"Oh a twelve year-old could have done as well.”

This kind of response is not humility. It may appear so on the surface. But, in reality this response is pride wearing the badly applied makeup of humility. The simpering deflection of a compliment is meant to encourage even more reassurance and praise, praise that can only be accompanied by a cascade of superlatives.

"Oh no, you are soooooooo wrong. That painting is exceptionally well done. The composition, the color, the brushstrokes . . . .' “Aw shucks, ma’am” as one traces a semi-circle in the dust. Responding to a compliment with fake humility is an attempt to manipulate others into piling on the accolades. More significantly, it is a rejection of the other's gift that is on par with refusing a proffered handshake. There is only one possible response to a compliment: A slight smile, perhaps a nod, and words to the effect, "Thank you, it is kind of you to say so."

Hubris, the opposite of humility, is defined as extreme pride, especially pride and ambition so great that they offend the gods and lead to one's downfall. It was hubris and not hunger or a desire to chomp on an apple, that led to Adam and Eve’s expulsion from the garden. And, it took very little persuasion for Satan to appeal to and further inflame, that pride and ambition. The results were disastrous. It is pride that drives one to assume a prime seat at a banquet without having been asked to take it. Pride is the driving force behind many of the sins we commit on a regular basis. Pride is sin in and of itself as heard in the

Carthusian penitential rite that begins: "I confess to Almighty God and to you my brothers that I have sinned exceedingly through pride . . . " Pride is a deadly sin and the driver behind many of the other sins we commit.

The best description of humility I ever read came in a letter from my late mentor

Jesuit psychiatrist George B. Murray. His definition is an important corrective to the fake humility that fishes for more praise. He wrote: "The only thing you need in the novitiate is a true vocation and humility. Humility is not kowtowing, it is not proclaiming yer' lowness, or indulging in public self-abasement. Humility is based on truth, ergo the real. . . . . if you erred admit it to yourself (ya’ don't have to advertise it). If you did good admit it to yourself (ya’ don't have to advertise it)”

True humility is realizing our pride, admitting it to ourselves, and then acting against that pride without making it obvious; without making a big deal out of it,

without, in George’s words, feeling the need to make public kowtow so that others will notice how humble we are.

True humility means following Jesus' command, "Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me."

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Just back from a much needed retreat, which accounts for no homilies the pat two Sundays. Was at the monastery of the Maronite Monks of Adoration, in Petersham, MA, about 2 hours west of Boston. Is small, quiet, and in a lovely setting, The weather was a bit hot the first two days and then it became gloorious.